Growing up is a strange thing.
When I was younger, I always imagined myself as a grown-up: successful, having all of the freedom I wanted, and traveling around the world. Little Nam was very imaginative––she enjoyed fantasizing about the future, or an imaginary world she would never be able to visit but still chose to immerse in; it was her energy tank, where she stored her dreams, hopes, and subverted realities. A fair amount of the visions contained repressed desires and yearning for adventures far away from home, but mostly just having her name on Google. Had it not been for those fantasies, Nam couldn’t have made it through her challenging teenage life––the hectic school system, the unfairness around her, peer pressure, and all of those insecurities that haunted her in her sleep. Continue reading “Daydreaming”
Alert: written when I was upset and needed to flush out my thoughts––no structure, no solid argument at all. Might be the best to take everything I say next with a grain of salt.
This morning I had a heated conversation with my mom about the way I dressed. I was wearing a cami and high-waisted pants with a silk scarf at work. As a student intern, there’s nothing inappropriate about this (I later checked with my colleagues and supervisor to make sure). It’s hard to explain to my parents the environment I’m in right now, and to let them know that I’m mature enough to decide what I want to wear. Dressing is a very personal matter, and unless I ask for their opinion, I don’t think anyone can interfere with my right to wear what I deem right and feel comfortable with. Continue reading “What mama says, what I think”
It’s intriguing to realize that my life is built upon odors.
This morning I woke up in my little room on the rooftop of Julia’s house to the smell of fresh fabric. It’s my favorite smell in the world; nothing is better than inhaling a lungful of warm, freshly washed and dried clothes. There’s something familiar and familial about it, which brings me closer to the people whose clothes smell of a family ritual (you know, families wash clothes together). It’s kind of sexy too, more than perfume or deodorant, I think. The fusion of detergent (or wardrobe) and their natural body odor makes the snuggling experience more authentic and addictive than anything you could imagine. Continue reading “Odors”
Last night I had such a strange dream. There was a shadow, in the form of a waving hand and the side of a male face, reflected on the walls of the attic of my grandparents’ house. It functioned like a semi-God of human’s memories, secrets, and concealed mistakes. It constantly looked for confessions from people, by merging itself into one human figure, the ‘representative,’ and approaching the targets with a recorder. The target will automatically narrate one of their deepest secrets/unfolded mistakes in front of their loved ones, then the recorder will save everything into the shadow semi-God’s archive. Continue reading “Dream report (no.1)”
Ngày đầu tiên của năm mới, ngủ li bì vừa tỉnh sau một chuyến bay dài đến New York. Nhà ở bên này lúc nào cũng ấm cúng và đông vui. Ngồi bên cạnh cây thông Nô-en (thật) phả mùi thơm phức với hai em chó và một em mèo đang ngủ li bì và thi thoảng hắt hơi một cái, cái máy sưởi cổ lai cứ rít phì phì choe chóe như ấm nước sôi, gõ lạch cạch giữa đêm khuya (rạng sáng), thấy cũng có tí lãng mạn. Kì này được đi intern ở thành phố, phấn khởi ra phết. 2016 rồi, giờ ghi thứ ngày tháng là không được 15 nữa đâu. Năm nay mình tròn 20 tuổi, hết tuổi teen, oai phết! (nhưng vẫn chưa đủ tuổi uống rượu bia hợp pháp ở đây). Continue reading “2016”
Vân ơi, em nhớ Vân chúc em cứ luôn chảy siết nhớ.
Thế là em học rồi em đi. Em đi, em làm, em cộng hưởng. Em ngắm nhìn đất nước hoang tàn, em yêu. Em nghỉ, rồi em lại đi tiếp. Đi rồi em không muốn dừng nữa. Chân em lại mọc thêm 2 cái nốt ruồi nữa–itchy feet cmnr. Continue reading “Chảy siết”
Nó châm lửa điếu thuốc, rít một hơi sâu cho đến khi rát đắng cuống họng, rồi ngửa cổ nhả làn khói dài qua đường mũi vào không trung đặc quánh.
Continue reading “Khói đêm”